Finding My Place by Maddy Heikkila (YTT Assistant)
Wise Leader? Crap, I got the wrong card. I think for a second about grabbing a different one from the line of Sacred Traveler cards that Hilary laid out on the ground and realize it's too late, everyone's already here. It's the first day of Yoga Teacher Training and I'm sitting at the front of the room with the lead teachers. I feel like I'm in the wrong spot. I decide to take the card as a sign and try to shift my perspective but it still feels weird.
It's hard to believe a year has passed since I began my own Yoga Teacher Training with House of the Gathering. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in their place, looking to the front of the room with anticipation, but here I am, awkwardly introducing myself as the Assistant. I look back to my card and try to feel like a wise leader, but even I'm not buying it. I want to be a resource for all the new students this year but I'm still feeling a little lost myself.
That whole first day felt odd, like I didn't know where I fit in. But somehow, with a little time and recognition of how far I've come since then, that feeling faded away by the second day and I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I know from experience that resistance comes with the territory; it's incredibly difficult to show up for things that are unknown and most likely will force you to grow. But I also know that those are usually the most important things to show up for. So here I am, finding my place in the new year of Yoga Teacher Training, and I couldn't be more excited. I'll lean into the discomfort when it shows up, like I had to last year, but I'll also enjoy the feeling of being in a different place than I was then. A place where I have a little more knowledge, a little more confidence, and a little more self-awareness.
Maddy is the current yoga teacher training assistant at House of the Gathering Yoga School. She completed her 200 hour training with HGYS in 2018.